Publisher: Balzer + Bray (February 10th 2015)
Hardcover: 320 pages
Add on: Goodreads
Rating: 5 of 5 stars
Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.
There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution—Roman, a teenage boy who’s haunted by a family tragedy, is looking for a partner. Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together.
My Heart and Other Black Holes was one of my favorite reads for 2015 despite the heavy topic of depression in this book. I usually try to stay away from sad depressing stories because of the massive feels and probably semi-waterworks, but I really liked the cover for My Heart and Other Black Holes a lot and was intrigued by how nerdy Aysel is with classical music and physics. I listened to half of this book and while the narrator read the book in a somewhat monotone voice it actually works for Aysel and Roman because I can see them both being bored with the world they live in. Anyways, Aysel has a reason for being depressed but I never thought that reason played a huge trigger for turning to suicide. She’s an outcast in her school after her an incident happened that changed her life. I get that everyone’s scared of her because of what her father did, but really I can’t see it as a major turn of events.
Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there’s nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.
She meets Roman on a suicide forum and we see that he’s not just another boy that wants to be her suicide partner. As the book progress he makes her want to live and gives her hope to live. He leaves her hesitating and second guessing herself about what she’s about to do. Even if life sucks for Aysel there’s a lot of things going for her especially with the opportunity that she’s been given for physics and I liked that her teacher encourages and challenges her. As Aysel begins to have more reasons to live she wants to convince Roman to change his mind too, but he stubbornly is locked into the date even if Aysel changes her mind about dying. Suicide is not a light topic and I enjoyed how realistically the author portray these characters.
Sometimes I wonder if my heart is like a black hole – it’s so dense that there’s no room for light, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still suck me in.
I’m glad that she eventually opens up and tells Roman about her problems. I’m also glad that he wants her to live even though he constantly accuses her of being a flake which is annoying but a bit endearing at the same time. Speaking of our ship that kind of set sail, I really liked Aysel and Roman together. They had this subtle chemistry between them and it just…I don’t know like when Roman decides to go on with the suicide plan and doesn’t accuse Aysel of being a flake but wants her to live and it’s like just made me tear up inside. Roman could be a jerk sometimes, but he really cares enough about Aysel that he wants her to have this second chance at life.
That boy really has a smiling problem. Especially for someone who has the nerve to accuse me for being a flake.